CAN YOU WEAR HAPPY?

I'm beginning to believe that happiness is not a state of mind, or something you can will yourself into, and or state of being. Happiness is the ability to portray yourself in a way that leads others and quite possible yourself into believing that everything is peaceful, relaxed, exciting, cheery, smily, adventurous, all that crap rolled into one, OH and that pink bunnies who give out chocolate that doesnt make you fat, really do exist.
I'm tired of all the people wearing happy. Why don't they just be individuals and wear something like worn out, tired, miserable, discontent, pissed off, or blameful? Then at least we'd be truthful, beating the shit out of each other but truthful.
I hate society and having to fake something I'm not just to please the people around me, just to keep the peace.
I'm sick of it all.

Drowning

How is it possible to feel so lonely when I am always surrounded by people. Is it because everything I feel or have to say is never heard? Is it because it somehow became my job to listen and not speak. I have no voice. I can't have feelings or emotion. It's not allowed. How can I be the only one who hears my thoughts and feelings and not become a recluse or become withdrawn? I don't want to become the weird person who never looks up or looks people in the eye, too insecure to hold a normal conversation or treat it as a business situation. So impersonal and exact to the fact. I'm going crazy and the more I feel it the less I can talk about it.
Spare everyone else's feelings. That's more important I guess.

The Nothing?

Waking every day when my mind feels darker then the day before.
When the light should be awakening but instead blinding, and wishing I could drift back to that state that is not just black but empty and thoughtless.
Maybe disapearing into a nothing of nonexistence isn't all that bad.

????

If I removed the masked smile from my mouth and the facade of strength from my day, would I be able to keep going?
Do the mask and facade hide the unbearable day from me or make it any easier or less miserable?
Does wearing a costume really make you the part of the role or just allow you to pretend it was yours to keep?
So when does the performance end, and reality begin?
If I could, would I live in this fantasy forever?
Would I leave a world where I never have to answer my own questions?